Throughout life, we encounter things that cause us pain. This pain can be physical, emotional, mental, or even sexual. But most importantly, the pain it causes us, is something we wear like a scar. Sometimes this scar is visible. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes it’s hidden within us, and because of this, we no longer are able to focus on the things we’ve told ourselves for years. Those thoughts and feelings are taken over by the pain that we feel.
No matter what the pain, or what we have gone through, for a lot of people, it is not easy to just forget it every happened. And you never will, but sometimes, we have to do things to take back our ability to see our value, because after abuse or struggle or pain, we stop seeing this value.
As a victim of emotional, physical, mental and sexual abuse, for many years I never saw that value. Because of this, I found myself in repeating cycles. Cycles that caused me to endure the same pain, with a new abuser. It wasn’t until I did the internal work on myself that I was able to see my value and stop the cycles. Now I know it sounds cliche, and like some lame excuse people give you, but “working on yourself” is a thing. A real thing, that not enough people are doing.
When you work on yourself, one of the things you work on is seeing that value in yourself. Seeing what you’ve hidden and lost throughout the years, and it doesn’t matter, if you are in your teens, 20s, 30, 40s, 50s, or 60s. There is no age restriction to working on yourself and finding your value. I encourage you to ALWAYS take time to work on yourself, whether you are in a relationship, recently out of one, or been single a while. It is okay to work on yourself always. Continual work on yourself, ensures your own happiness.
Here are three ways that you can see your own value:
1) Stop Comparing Yourself
This is the biggest thing that we do. We compare ourselves to others. We compare our lives to those that are on facebook, or instagram. We see the hashtag #relationshipgoals, and we instantly compare what we have and who we are to what we see. We see a woman out living her best life, and compare our life to hers.
STOP. You do not know what they are going through, what they have been through. Especially what you see on facebook. I like to call it “fakebook” because everyone has a persona that they portray, and it never shows the behind the scenes. There is no perfect person. There is no perfect relationship. There is no perfect business. There is no perfect life. There is no perfect family. Perfection DOES NOT exist.
When you stop comparing yourself to others and what they have done and what they have accomplished, you’re losing your own value. Sure seeing what others do is okay. When you use it as a vision, or motivation. Not when you use it to bring yourself down.
2) Know What Your Worth
This is important. Know who you are. Know what your bring to the world. To your family. To your job or business. To YOURSELF. If you struggle with knowing your worth, look at what you do. Look at who you are. Look at what you’re capable of (even if you’re not living up to your true potential).
Most of our worth is there, it’s diminished. It’s hidden. It’s not something that is readily seen. We have to do a little work. We have to find the details in our worth, we have to find the things we’ve hidden. The missing pieces to our worth and who we are. There are so many ways that you can do that, but I will save that for another time. I will share one thing you can do, in #3, because it’s two-fold. Worth and value are not the same thing. Value is what you bring to people, Worth is what you bring to yourself + others. Remember that. So when you think about your value, your value is what others see. Your Worth is what you do for yourself + what you do for others.
3) Analyze What You Do for Yourself and for Others
So in finding your value you are going to analyze what you do for others, and this is the same thing you can do for finding your worth. Find your value by searching deep and making a list of everything that you have done for others, no action too small or too big. Make a list of everything you’ve done for people in your life. What you do to better the lives of those around you, or even complete strangers. If there are even 2 things on that list, there is your value. You do for others. Period. There is no definition on what you do, how much you do, how many times, or how often. All that matters is your value is that you know how to put others before you when you need to. Do the same for your worth – make a list of everything you’ve done for yourself. What do you do to better yourself.
When you know your value, and you know who you are as a person, everything else around you looks and appears different. It appears real. It is no longer shielded by the story you’ve been telling yourself in your head, or even your heart. When you uncover YOU, the rest starts to fall off and everything becomes REAL around you. And this is when you can start to see what you need to do for YOU.
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